Counting on me

I know, I know
I carry too many scars.

The past I cannot leave behind,
the memories I cannot deny.

I know, I know
I carry too much weight.

Guilty for my mistakes
and for everyone else's, as well.

I know, babe, I swear I know
I shouldn't be drinking
I shouldn't be running
I should look into my own eyes
and tell myself to calm the fuck down.
But I can't.

I know, sweetheart, I heard you
the first time,
but once in a while I simply can't get up,
my shoulders won't stand that much exhaustion,
my knees can't find enough strength;
once in a while
I allow myself to be weak.

I know, I know
you are counting on me.
Everyone is.

What you don't know
is that I am not.